NEW YORK, NY—Governor Andrew Cuomo has been an outspoken critic of Brett Kavanuagh’s nomination to the Supreme Court, and now, the governor is taking action: in a press conference, Cuomo confirmed he has hired seedy daytime attorney Saul Goodman to “take this thing all the way to the top” should Roe v. Wade be overturned.
“Saul has an outstanding record, and provides the legal firepower we need to sue all the way up to the Supreme Court if need be,” Cuomo said. “I saw his cheesy ad while watching General Hospital the other day, and figured he’d be the perfect secret weapon in the fight to save Roe.”
Cuomo stated that Goodman has an impressive legal record, working on major class action suits in Albuquerque and dealing with “extremely difficult” clients. Goodman, whose real name is allegedly James McGill, also offers extensive services that Cuomo says might come in handy at some point, like evidence cleanup, money laundering, and connections to various contacts in the criminal underworld.
“When you need to challenge a Supreme Court decision by appealing your case to the Supreme Court, you’d better call Saul,” he added, before jump-high-fiving Goodman and smiling into the cameras.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.