VATICAN CITY — According to Vatican officials, newly elected Pope Leo XIV spent the majority of his first day on the job undoing all of the former pope's executive orders.
With his first homily in office out of the way, Pope Leo reportedly left mass early so he could get a head start on the important work of what he called "hitting the undo button" on Pope Francis' reign.
"It is important that Francis be essentially erased from history," Leo said, adding that reversing his predecessor's church reforms was his number one priority.
The pontiff reportedly pushed his way through crowds, even knocking over an elderly woman, so he could make it back to the Apostolic Palace and get to the important work of reversing all of the actions done by Pope Francis. According to sources, he locked himself in his quarters with a pot of coffee and was not expected to emerge until his work was finished.
"He's got a lot of work to do," one insider said. "Or 'undo,' as it were."
The papacy of Pope Francis was characterized by several controversial church reforms related to social justice, the blessing of same sex couples, and the introduction of Casual Fridays in the Roman Curia. Almost all known reforms were expected to be retracted by Pope Leo, who described them as "dumb."
"I mean, look at this one," Leo said, holding up a papal bull declaring time off for purgatory for people who wear tiny hats. "I don't even get what this is."
Though concerns from the laity that the new pope was undermining the legacy of his predecessor made their way to the Vatican, Pope Leo reportedly assured them, "You're right, that's totally what I'm doing."
At publishing time, Pope Leo XIV issued a papal bull offering time off purgatory for anyone who converted to being a Chicago White Sox fan.
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