BURBANK, CA—Walt Disney Studios has announced that, after reacquiring the rights to The Chronicles of Narnia franchise, they'll kick things off with a new take on Aslan the Lion: a hilariously unlikely basketball superstar. "Our research shows that the Lion was a little overly serious in the other movies. We wanted to put a new spin on him, Give him a little more screen-pop," said Disney executive Martin Handler.
The new film, Air Aslan: The Chronicles Of Dunkia, follows Aslan as he wanders out of the Wardrobe and into an NBA locker room where he comes face to face with basketball superstar LeBron James. "Yo kitty cat, you got game?" LeBron asks, spinning a basketball on his finger. Hijinx ensue as the massive cat takes to the court, ripping other players to shreds, leaving claw marks all over the wooden floors, crashing through backboards, and eating all the concessions, causing everyone to put their hands on their cheeks and cross their eyes in shock, then pass out in a comical fashion.
"There was something in the originals about how Aslan is some sort of analogy or something? Like a king or Jesus or something? Well, now he's the king of the court, the god of game, slam-jam Jesus. We really wanted to stick close to the heart of the franchise," said Handler. "And he squares off with King James himself. LeBron really gets into the role. It feels like the natural progression from the original series. We're all very proud of it."
Future sequels are planned as well including a wrestling movie titled "Lion On The Mat," and a baseball movie titled, "The Lion, The Pitch, And The Homerun."
Liam Neeson will also return to play Aslan, just as he did in the original books by C.S. Lewis.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.