El Paso, TX — A brand-new Mexican restaurant celebrated its grand opening today, taking over the exact same building where seven previous Mexican restaurants have gone out of business.
"Eighth time is the charm," said Maria Ramos, owner of Maria's Mexican Restaurant. "It will be an easy transition since we are keeping the entire wait staff and menu from the last restaurant, 'El Fuego Loco'."
According to Ms. Ramos, the new restaurant will set itself apart with chips, salsa, cheap frozen margaritas, and fajitas brought out on a sizzling skillet. "We're really taking things a new direction," said manager Brian Jiminez. "We're going to serve fresh guacamole, put sombreros on people for their birthday, and blast incredibly loud Tejano music! It's going to be a totally new experience."
Customers have so far confirmed that the new restaurant is, in fact, a Mexican restaurant. "They still have three-hundred different combo platters and serve margaritas with a Dos Equis turned upside down in it. Yup, it's the same," said local man Carl Johnson. "I've been here when this place was called Don Pablo's, Doña Pabla's, Don Don Pablo's, and Tyler's Tex-Mex. We'll see what it is next week."
At publishing time, Maria's had sadly informed the El Paso community that they too were going out of business, but that everyone could look forward to returning next week and experiencing "Don Pablo's El Fuego Loco Dos."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
