Scripture
New Evidence Suggests Jesus Encouraged Disciples To Loot City After Flipping Tables In Temple

ISRAEL—New evidence has shown that Jesus encouraged His disciples to loot Jerusalem and burn down homes after He got mad in the temple.

"OK, I've made my point and driven out the money changers -- but now it's time for revolution!" He reportedly cried, according to new research. "Seize the means of production, boys, and grab your loot sack -- time to get me a new pair of Birkenstocks!"

Peter made a beeline for a nearby Burlington's Robe Factory and snagged himself a nice red robe with an attractive blue sash. He then raided Solomon's Weapon Hut next door and grabbed a cool sword, which he put to good use later.

The disciples reportedly looted stores like Jericho's Wall-Mart and Tare-Get, smashing through doors and grabbing all the shekels, fish, talents, and matzo bread they could find. "Down with the man!" they shouted as frightened citizens cowered in their homes. A few people tried to chase off the disciples with bows and arrows but were arrested thanks to strict firearm control in Jerusalem.


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