MARS—Millions watched as NASA's Perseverance rover arrived on Mars Thursday, with people from around the world breathlessly awaiting footage from the Red Planet's surface. Unfortunately for NASA, though, they appear to have been "a day late and a dollar short," as the first images revealed Elon Musk had already built an advanced civilization by the time the relatively primitive probe had arrived.
"Greetings, primitive people of the year 2021!" Musk said cheerily as he welcomed the crude rover to Elontown, the advanced city he's been throwing together in his spare time over the past several years. "Oh, a cute little rover -- how quaint!" Musk then brought the rover into his domed city and showed the people of Earth the wondrous sights of Elontown, from the VR arcades and the COVID-free 4D movie theatres to his personal meme gallery and the giant arc reactor powering the whole city.
"We have a good time here. It's nice to see the people of Earth are still working hard on space travel. It reminds me of my elementary school days when I was still working with fossil fuel rockets. Ah, memories!"
Wanting to send the primitive people of Earth a gift as an olive branch between the two alien races, Musk then strapped a treasure chest full of Dogecoin, the official currency of Elontown, to a Falcon 272 fusion-powered rocket and launched it back toward Earth.