Home > Op-Ed > My Death Star, My Choice
Op-Ed
My Death Star, My Choice

Hey, loyal subjects of the Empire. Darth Vader here, Dark Lord of the Sith and renowned pro-choice advocate.

Plenty of buzz has been going around the comlinks about if we should have destroyed Alderaan. Some people claim we are killing innocent people with our giant green super laser that can snuff out billions of insignificant little lives all at once. Some point out that the lives we claim are actual living creatures, rather than just a clump of rebel scum.

Let me be clear about this once and for all:

My ๐Ÿ‘ Death ๐Ÿ‘ Star ๐Ÿ‘, my ๐Ÿ‘ choice ๐Ÿ‘ !

It couldn't be any simpler than that.

I am a leader of the Empire. The Empire owns the Death Star. The Empire also owns hundreds of planets. These planets are a part of the Empire. Therefore, if we melt the faces off of a billion humans at once, guess what? It's simply my choice. It doesn't matter whether or not the organisms we kill are separate and distinct from the Empire. It is an issue of superlaser-productive rights.

Also, if you oppose Death Star rights, you hate women.

Readers of the Bee,

If just a small fraction of our visitors became subscribers, we'd have enough funding to stop running ads and reduce our dependence on big tech companies like Facebook and Google. Will you partner with us to make this possible?