WALKERVILLE — Students at Walkerville Elementary School will reportedly be held back a year after it came to light that their teacher, Ms. Valerie Frizzle, shrank them down to miniature size to spend the year in some guy's blood instead of teaching them to read.
"I don't know why she spent the entire year in some guy's body. They were supposed to be reading Charlotte's Web and learning about fractions," said Mr. Sinew, another teacher at the school. "They know a lot about the inner workings of the human body, but they're completely illiterate. Not a good look, Frizzle."
"These school bus journeys are great, but they're not part of our official curriculum and certainly not worth spending an entire year on," said School Superintendent Phillip Charge. "And that's not to mention the liability she put the district through. What if a student were killed by a white blood cell? It's horrifying to think about."
Parents have reportedly petitioned the school to have Ms. Frizzle fired and replaced by a proper educator who follows the state curriculum.
"I'd fire her, but I can't because of the union," said Principal Ruhle. "But I have kindly asked her not to shrink her class down and spend the year in some guy's blood again."
District officials are reportedly furious and are threatening to withdraw school funding until Ms. Frizzle turns over her magic school bus. "Why does she even have a school bus? She's a teacher. Who let her have a district school bus imbued with such dangerous and spectacular powers?" said Natalie Vroom, the district's transportation supervisor.
At publishing time, Ms. Frizzle took her class to the surface of the sun instead of teaching them to write essays.
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