MOUNT SINAI — Moses was reportedly surprised to see the Israelites worshipping a crude golden calf, seeing as how not doing so was one of the rules in the set of commandments he had received from God. However, he initially held his temper, rechecking the divine notes just to be sure.

"Yep, it's right there. Don't melt gold down into a calf, then bow down and worship it is pretty much the first rule," Moses said as he double-checked the stone tablets bearing the writing of the Almighty. "We didn't even get through rule one. Totally blew it."

Witnesses claim Moses became enraged and threw the stone tablets down at the foot of the mountain, shattering them to pieces. Though Moses knew he was in the right, he immediately felt a little sheepish for destroying the stone tablets since they were made by God Himself.

"Okay, I got a little angry," Moses said. "But it was the first commandment, guys. The very first one!"

At publishing time, Moses had headed back up Mount Sinai, warning Israel that they better at least make it to rule number two during his time away.

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