A new U.S.-China trade deal has just been inked by President Trump which promises to reduce tariffs and improve relations between the two nations. But it also comes with some other perks.
Here's everything Trump scored as part of the deal:
A $25 gift card to Panda Express: This marks the first decrease in the national debt in decades.
No new deadly viruses for at least 10 years: Trump also gets first pick on all new virus names.
We are allowed to call them Chinamen again: Trump really knows how to negotiate with the Chinamen.
Thousands of Chinamen workers to extend California's high-speed rail to Promontory, Utah: All the benefits, none of the cost.
The Art of War and The Art of the Deal will now be sold as a 2-volume set: The two greatest works of literature, together at last.
Everyone gets their own little Chinese kid to do math for them: China has plenty of extras.
100 fine silk garments spun by the finest couturiers in all of the Orient: The Silk Road has been reopened.
China must reveal which Chinese buffet is really number one: An ancient Chinese secret, finally revealed.
Chow Yun-fat will give Trump free lessons on how to fly through trees like that one scene in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Like a goddess, soaring through the air.
Relocation of the Great Wall to America's southern border: At no cost to us, it shall be rebuilt brick by brick by the best Chinamen.
Impressed? We are. President Trump really does know the art of the deal.
Meet Chuck, a Nazi with an identity crisis.
