BOSTON, MA — To keep games from getting out of hand, Major League Baseball announced that it would be implementing a 10-run "mercy rule" for the Boston Red Sox.
The rule was instituted as MLB officials worried that games could extend for seven to eight hours as the Red Sox were scored on again and again ad infinitum.
"At some point, why keep humiliating them?" said Commissioner Rob Manfred. "And by 'them', I of course mean the Red Sox. The losing is inevitable; the extra runs are just extending the pain. We believe this change will help keep games to a reasonable length while putting some limit on the crushing embarrassment suffered on a nightly basis by the Red Sox."
Fans were reportedly divided on the measure, with some believing that the Red Sox deserved the endless indignity. "I think the more disgrace, the better," said New York resident Andrew Larson. "If you keep showing mercy to a dog pooping on the carpet, your reward is more dog poop on the carpet. The dog poop in this metaphor is, of course, the Boston Red Sox."
At publishing time, MLB was reportedly considering changing it to a 7-run mercy rule after realizing that the 10-run mercy rule would not be merciful enough.
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