WASHINGTON, D.C. - Mitch McConnell felt bad for Nancy Pelosi after watching her get forced to impeach the president by the radical wing of her party, then impeach him and sit on the articles of impeachment for weeks. So, he decided to cheer her up a bit.

McConnell had his staffers deliver Pelosi a shirt reading "I Impeached The President And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt." Pelosi did not seem to understand the nice gift, pointing her finger sternly and lecturing the McConnell staffer: "Don't mess with me." Though her dentures fell out before she could finish her rant, sadly.

"It's the least I could do," McConnell said, a grin slowly spreading across his face. "I feel bad for the poor girl -- so much work on impeachment for nothing. Everyone needs a little consolation prize, a little affirmation. A participation trophy, you might say."

As an offended Pelosi held a press conference condemning the shirt as a "slap in the face," Mitch McConnell hurriedly confirmed hundreds more conservative judges.