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Microsoft Now Lets You Delay Windows Updates Until The Second Coming Of Christ

REDMOND, WA—In a move designed to let users ignore crucial security and feature updates and get back to browsing Facebook and watching funny videos, Microsoft announced Tuesday that it will now allow users to delay Windows updates until the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.

When a user gets a Windows update notification, they’ll now have options to restart their computer at that time and apply the updates, pick a later time to apply the updates, or delay the update process entirely until the Lord returns in fire and glory to judge the living and the dead.

“We noticed everyone was simply pushing their update notifications as far back as possible, so we decided to let our users delay updates until the skies are rolled back like a scroll, the moon turns to blood, and the stars fall from the heavens,” a Microsoft representative said. “We are confident this will be a popular option among our customers.”

According to Microsoft, since the update was implemented earlier this week, nearly 98% of all Windows users have elected to delay updates until Jesus comes riding on a white horse with a sword protruding from His mouth and His robe dipped in blood.

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