U.S. — As tensions and frustrations continued to mount across the country, mental health experts issued a recommendation that everyone just take the day off to chill and watch the old cartoon version of The Hobbit.
Economic struggles, increased unrest around the world, and the looming election had millions of Americans searching for ways to relax and escape for even the briefest of moments, leading researchers to suggest just sitting down and enjoying Rankin Bass's 1977 animated adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's beloved book.
‘It's a simple and straightforward way to forget about all your troubles," said behavioral health analyst Dr. Carl Keppler. "We've seen such a spike in mental health issues over the last several years, and everyone seems to have their own suggestion for how to address it, but we've found nothing more effective than just stopping what you're doing, plopping down on the couch, and putting on the old cartoon version of The Hobbit. The results truly are astonishing."
One struggling man was amazed by how well the treatment worked for him. "It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders," said stressed-out husband and father Derek Johnson. "I've been dealing with a lot lately, and it seems like the world is falling apart, but once I took the day off and just chilled out watching The Hobbit and ate a couple bowls of cereal I was a new man."
At publishing time, mental health experts also agreed that the day's stress and aggravations could be quickly melted away by googling pictures of old Kenner Star Wars action figures and playsets.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
