U.S.—Doctors speaking on behalf of the nation’s medical community Wednesday recommended that Americans not stare directly into the black, empty void encompassing the nation’s comment sections.
While doctors have long known of the harmful effects of dwelling upon the vast wastelands comprising comment sections on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and websites at large, the symptoms have become far more pronounced in recent years, according to medical professionals.
“We’ve found that severe psychological side effects may accompany thinking too long and hard about any comments you encounter while you’re on the internet,” Dr. Sherman Danforth, a leading psychology expert told reporters. “If you must browse a comment section for any reason, we recommend a brief, cautious glance to get a sense of it, but turn away quickly, lest you do irreparable damage to your psyche.”
Doctors also confirmed staring too long into the void of comment sections can have the undesirable side effect of having the void stare back into you.
“Each day, thousands of people stare too long into the black hole of vitriol present in online comment sections, correlating things which were not meant to be correlated in the human mind, and end up babbling incoherently about ‘the eyes in the darkness,’ ‘the black pit,’ and ‘the nameless one,'” Danforth added.
“Don’t let it happen to you.”
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