NASHVILLE, TN — Conservative personality Matt Walsh sparked a frenzy online this week when it was revealed he only hates video games because his son beat him at Mario Kart.
"This is childish, pointless drivel," Walsh allegedly fumed as his son launched a blue shell at his kart. "I will not live in a house where Mario doesn't instantly beat every other racer in the Mushroom Kingdom."
Walsh, who called out the gaming industry this week for acting as a propaganda arm for the DEI movement, had previously claimed he didn't play video games at all.
"Why would I spend time on something for kids?" Walsh said on an episode of the popular The Matt Walsh Show. "The Bible says to put away childish things, which obviously refers to video games — something that must have been a considerable temptation to the Corinthians. Besides, I'm too busy commuting to work to drive imaginary karts in a fictitious world. I don't need to pretend to drive because I drive cars every day. If you don't throw red shells at people in real life then you are a coward."
Walsh was forced to come clean after hackers leaked his Nintendo Switch gaming activity. "Okay, so I like Mario. He's an adorable Italian plumber. Who doesn't like Mario? But I didn't give up Mario Kart because my kid beat me, I gave up because there are too many princess characters. Talk about an overrepresentation of females in kart racing. It's a predominately male-dominated sport and I will not stand for this forced diversity."
"Don't get me started on Toad."
Progressive gamers pounced on Walsh for the obvious bias in his commentary of the gaming industry. "He only hates games because he sucks at Mario Kart!!!11" said @jlovegender on X, formerly known as Twitter. Another X user known as @rektgam3r simply advised Walsh to "Get good noob!"
At publishing time, Matt Walsh pre-ordered Princess Peach: Showtime!
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