Massacre As Great White Shark Allowed To Compete In Women's 500 Freestyle
Sports · Feb 18, 2022 ·

BOSTON, MA - Dozens of swimmers are dead and thousands of viewers have been traumatized as a Great White Shark named Tia was allowed to compete in the women's 500-yard freestyle event at the Ivy League Swimming & Diving Championships Friday.

"Wow, this brave swimmer is really making a splash here," said one commentator as the starting buzzer went off and the shark immediately thrashed through the pool, eating swimmers screaming for their lives. "Look at that form! It's like she was biologically designed for this kind of thing."

Tia continued to dominate heat after heating, wowing spectators with her speed, form, poise, and ability to maul anyone in the pool.

"What's your secret?" asked a reporter after the event. She was promptly eaten.

The shark was awarded every medal and placement, as all the other swimmers were dead. The official who gave her the championship trophy was promptly eaten.

Anyone questioning the validity of Tia's win will have their bank account frozen, be banned from Twitter, and put on an FBI watchlist.

Then, they will be promptly eaten.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.