DALLAS, TX — Mark Cuban was recently recognized for his monumental contributions to human morale, as the businessman and investor has inspired thousands of people by proving that even the very retarded can become wealthy.
According to several very retarded people, Mark Cuban has been a shining light for their aspirations of one day owning several companies and a failing basketball team despite being handicapped by a severe case of retardedness.
"DUUURRRR! DUHH, DER!" Cuban said to reporters. "DUUUHH DER!"
"In many ways, Mark's success is a win for morons everywhere," said Jimmy Bungo, who was late for his interview after he repeatedly tried to pull open a push door. "I'm personally inspired that someone so idiotic managed to make something of himself in the world. I mean, if he can do it, maybe I can, too! Thanks, Mr. Cuban!"
In addition to receiving the National Stupid Peoples' Association Award for Inspiring The Dumb That They Can Get Rich Good Too, Cuban has been recognized for his other philanthropic efforts, such as giving the NBA a great laughing stock to make fun of all the time.
At publishing time, Cuban had endorsed fellow retarded person Kamala Harris for President.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
