CHICAGO, IL — The world around a local man seemed to grow even colder and dimmer as he expressed feeling that his Christian love for humanity had been shattered after he took a trip to the airport.
Traveler Ryan Kanter said he felt good about the world and mankind in general just prior to leaving the house for his trip to Florida. Upon arriving at O'Hare Airport, every shred of hope he had felt vanished within moments, leaving him despondent about the state of human society.
"May God's wrath rain down upon every one of you," Kanter was heard muttering as he made his way through the terminal. "What a wretched world this is. Look at the human refuse littered around me. Where am I? How have we fallen so far? We used to be a real country. Dear Lord, have mercy upon us. Oh, sweet Moses, here's the TSA checkpoint."
Kanter then proceeded to endure the horrifying ordeal of airport security. "I… I can't describe the things that I saw there," he later recounted. "Bodies stacked on top of bodies. Diseases. Violence. Exposed toes everywhere. Why would a loving God allow things like this to exist? Why? WHY?!"
Witnesses reported last seeing Kanter visibly seething with hatred toward all of mankind after finding his place in a middle seat between two morbidly obese passengers.
At publishing time, Kanter's faith had reportedly been restored after the in-flight movie options included the extended editions of The Lord of the Rings trilogy.
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