ST PAUL, MO — A local man is feeling frustrated, as he has come upon an interesting post on the internet, and there are no radical progressive journalists nearby to tell him whether the post is misinformation or not.
"This internet post is interesting, but alas, there are no militant lesbian feminist Communist members of the trusted media around to verify its accuracy! What will I ever do?" lamented the man, throwing up his hands. "I am lost in a sea of internet lies with no possible way of discerning fact from fiction! Woe is me!"
The man went outside to look for a woman driving by in a Subaru, or a recent college graduate with blue hair, or anyone else who would be able to assist him in his plight. Unfortunately, he was unable to find anyone and had to go the rest of the day without knowing whether the post he saw was true or false.
Experts say this is a growing problem for internet users. "We find that at least 80% of people go online without any Marxists, queer activists, or game journalists to guide them with their wisdom and keep them on the path of truth," said misinformation expert and queer Marxist game journalist Thad Dorgins to reporters. "If this problem isn't fixed, we might lose our democracy."
At publishing time, the frustrated man decided to abandon the internet altogether and tune into ABC News so trusted sources could tell him what to think.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
