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Man Who Gets Coronavirus Relieved He Can Finally Touch His Face All He Wants

ORLANDO, FL—The results of the coronavirus test came back: positive. For Wayne Lambert, this was a huge relief. Finally -- finally -- he could touch his face again.

“Oh, I missed you!” Lambert said, his hands now going all over his eyes, nose, and chin.

The CDC has warned everyone to stop touching their faces to help in the fight against coronavirus. This nearly impossible task has caused much angst among a population isolating themselves at home. But once you already have the coronavirus, you don’t really need to worry about catching anything else for the time being, meaning you can just go crazy.

“My face! Yes!” Lambert exclaimed, rubbing all over.

Lambert is now in quarantine, and doctors have advised him once again to stop touching his face -- not for health reasons but because it’s creeping everyone out.

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