INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Local man David Sproul is now ready to take on the world after a morning cup of black coffee and just three strips of bacon, sources say.
"Wow I feel energized, satiated, and I don't feel bloated like I normally do" David reportedly wondered aloud. "This bacon must be chock full of all those wonderful carbohydrates the government food pyramid keeps telling me to eat."
"Maybe after work, I'll go to the gym," he then said as the coffee hit his brain. "Then, I can fix that mailbox I've been meaning to get to. And then maybe tonight I'll get to work on that next big novel I've been meaning to write."
According to family members, David was running late for work so he skipped his usual breakfast of sugary cereal fortified with 27 vitamins and minerals. He even skipped his routine cup of healthy orange juice, which led to him ingesting this unusual concoction of caffeine and saturated fat which oddly seemed to power him up for the day.
"I think the kids ate all the pancakes," his wife Darlene told the reporters assembled outside their family home. "So David must have just grabbed whatever bacon was left in the pan."
David was later spotted at the office doing bicep curls with his briefcase during sales calls and couldn't stop doing push-ups during the company-wide meeting.
The nation's top nutritionists were baffled as to why David felt so great after ingesting so many saturated fats, which are known to cause brain fog, heart disease, and diabetes.
"He should be dead already after such a meal," said nutritionist Dr. Killem in his office decorated with various degrees and certificates all declaring him to be an expert in the field. "We aren't sure why David seems so healthy, but we expect him to be dead by tomorrow."
At publishing time, David was running circles in the backyard with his two sons and asking his wife what they should do for date night.
As the immigration debate rages on, Democrats are now ringing alarm bells as thousands of child traffickers are out of work.
