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TEXARKANA, TX—According to sources close to local man Matthew Franco, the 39-year-old believer knows every single line from the classic film The Princess Bride by heart, yet struggles to quote a full Bible verse without having to look it up to refresh his memory.
The Christian man quotes the film throughout his day, responding to coworkers’ interactions by reciting lines like, “As you wish,” and “You fell victim to one of the classic blunders!” but always finds himself struggling to recall whatever Bible passage he’s trying to remember.
According to his friends and family, he’s watched the film 17 times this year already, mouthing the lines along with the actors as Westley attempts to save Princess Buttercup from the weaselly Prince Humperdinck. However, not one of the people who know Franco can recall a time he’s sat down for a time of personal devotions and Scripture reading.
“Yeah, I just don’t have the time to sit there and memorize a bunch of Bible verses that I may or may not need to use throughout the day,” he told reporters as he commented, “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something!” on a friend’s Facebook post. “I’ll just Google what a verse says if I really need to reference it.”
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that the man who’s “a little shaky” on his recollection of John 3:16 has the entirety of the film Tombstone “hidden in his heart.”