Man Thinks About Roman Empire Instead Of Remembering To Pick Up The Kids
Life · Sep 25, 2023 ·

LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — A local man was left scrambling to pick up his children from school yesterday after failing to remember his responsibilities and spending his time thinking about the Roman Empire instead.

"Ah, great Caesar's ghost! I forgot about the kids!" Jordan Vaughn said as he sprinted off to his minivan. "I knew there was something I was supposed to be doing, but I lost track of time while contemplating the Battle of Actium, where Octavian was able to consolidate his power by ending his long rivalry with Mark Antony!"

"Ugh! I hate it when that happens!"

People nearby reported seeing Mr. Vaughn sitting quietly on his back deck and sipping a cup of coffee moments earlier. "He seemed very relaxed," said one witness, Josh Ruff. "Periodically, he would nod his head and make some type of comment to himself like: ‘Once Antony's fleet was lost, his army deserted him' and ‘The city of Nicopolis was founded to commemorate the victory' before he absentmindedly glanced at his watch and then took off running."

Vauhgn's distracted state was deemed understandable by a group of male experts, who agreed that it was only natural to get lost in thought while considering how different history may have played out had Octavian — Julius Caesar's lone heir — not prevailed in the important battle.

At publishing time, Vaughn's vehicle was last seen screeching through a high-speed turn on its way to the school, where several other dads who had been distracted while thinking about the Roman Empire were also speeding into the parking lot to pick up forgotten children.

We asked Trump to narrate 7 more famous historic battles, and the result was tremendous and magnificent. Everyone says so.

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