FALLBROOK, CA—In shocking news, local man Kyle Ryder stuck to his keto diet plan for a full twelve seconds, blowing by his previous record of nine seconds.
In an amazing display of self-restraint and discipline, the man avoided all carbs, bread, fruits, sugars, rice, beans, and pastries for the entire twelve seconds. He started out his diet by eating a hard-boiled egg. On his second bite, he tossed it in the trash can and ate a muffin, congratulating himself on doing such a good job this time.
"I'm gonna start keto up again next hour," he said as he dug into a chocolate muffin. "It's called carb cycling. You do keto for a period of time, like eight or nine seconds, and then you carb up." Ryder said carbing up is helpful when you're going to partake in a strenuous activity or run a marathon or something, though he himself has no plans for either of those.
At publishing time, the record had been called into question after video emerged of Ryder sneaking in a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts approximately six seconds into his diet.