JACKSONVILLE, FL — Local man Trevor Riggs announced that he regretted spending 15 minutes reading the Bible this morning.
"Fifteen minutes is just too much time that could have been better spent doomscrolling on my phone," he said. "Just think of all the Instagram reels I missed out on."
According to sources close to Riggs, the man took 15 minutes out of his morning routine to read the Bible and proceeded to regret it for the rest of the day.
"It's just 15 minutes. It's not a lot of time, and God's Word is more powerful than any two-edged sword," Angel Riggs, his wife, said. " But he's just been mumbling about what a waste of time it was."
Riggs reportedly gazed out a window thoughtfully after spending 15 minutes in Ezekiel. "I don't even know what I just read," he said.
Colleagues were reportedly confounded by Riggs' behavior, noting that any time spent with the Bible sets them on the right path for the day. "You mean to tell me you couldn't find a single verse in your reading that illuminated your heart and made you feel close to God? What are you, an atheist?" asked friend and co-worker Henry Carter, who sources confirmed was extremely agitated by Riggs's constant sighs throughout the day.
At publishing time, Trevor Riggs had tried reading the Sermon on the Mount during his lunch break and immediately regretted it. "I could be eating pizza," he said.
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