RALEIGH, NC — Local man Alex Harmon tragically passed away this afternoon after reading a tweet that he didn't really agree with.
"Mr. Harmon appears to have died from suffering a direct exposure to a differing opinion," said police. "While the exposure was brief, the results were predictably fatal."
According to his roommates, Mr. Harmon had begun scrolling Twitter on his phone when he saw a politician tweet about billionaires not paying their fair share of taxes. He reportedly made the critical error of reading responses to the tweet, where user "@JohnnyMakesCash" argued that billionaires actually contribute a much higher percentage of their income to taxes than politicians do, and thus are actually taxed fairly under the current system. Mr. Harmon instantly dropped dead, the contrary view committing literal violence upon his body and soul.
"I just can't believe he's gone," said housemate Lester McNutt. "I told Alex so many times to just watch MSNBC and stay off Twitter. But he wouldn't listen, and now he's dead. How many more people does Elon Musk have to kill before we ban speech once and for all?"
At publishing time, Mr. McNutt had also died after accidentally walking through a hotel lobby at the same time as Ben Shapiro.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
