TUSTIN, CA — A local man wallowed in frustration today while wrestling with the idea that the Almighty God, Creator of the universe, with infinitely more wisdom than any human, could possibly have a different opinion than he has.
"I'm right about most things, aren't I?" asked the man rhetorically. "I consider myself a pretty smart guy. It only stands to reason that God, who is supposed to be smarter than anyone else, would agree with my views on everything, right?"
The man had just finished a spirited online debate with a fellow Twitter user. After the person he was arguing with presented him with an airtight case backed up with solid biblical evidence of God's position on the subject, the man was left dumbfounded. "Finding out that God disagrees with me shattered my whole worldview. How could that even be possible?" the man asked.
The man went as far as to search for answers online from others about the situation. "Thankfully, I was able to find other people who totally agree with me," the man said. "I even found a pastor who was able to help me take pieces of Scripture and shape them to fit my own interpretation! This is great!"
At publishing time, the man was ready to use his newfound confidence that he can make the Bible say whatever he wants it to say in his next round of Twitter debates. "I feel much better now," he said. "I mean, it makes sense that an all-knowing God would totally agree with me, right?"
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: