CHARLESTON, SC — Local man Daniel Bridgeman found his mind wandering after his wife's story entered a second overtime and ninth detour. Reports confirm he shifted into a panicked prayer, however, as his wife began winding up and he realized she may end her long story with a question.
"Lord, please let her hold the floor for just long enough for me to latch onto a few more details so I can show I was listening – please, Lord, cause her mind to leap to another unrelated story that feels related, that I may pick up some color commentary to sprinkle into my response." Bridgeman's face scrunched up during his hurried prayer, reports confirm, releasing only to peek out and see if she was done.
Bridgeman was able to track the conversation when it switched from his wife's sister's illness to a similar illness that his wife's uncle had been plagued with in 1987, or was it 1988, no it must have been 1987 because that was when Sharon was still married to her second husband in Maryland, which reminds me I never called Mary back…
At publishing time, Bridgeman had breathed a sigh of relief as his wife's talking had not abated and he was able to re-engage with the details of her monologue. Unfortunately, he again found himself struggling to keep pace as a branching story arc became the main plot, without full resolution of the subplot from two stories ago.
UPDATE: Daniel Bridgeman is now sleeping on the couch.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
