MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Upon hearing footsteps approach his restroom stall, a local man identified as Devon Baldman expertly cleared his throat, thereby giving the universal signal that the stall was occupied. As a result, a near disaster was averted.
"Oh, sorry," the other man reportedly said just before barging through the stall door like he owned the place.
Baldman responded with a quiet "mmhmm," the universal signal that he accepted the stranger's heartfelt apology. The other man, who was never identified, then mosied over to the furthest possible empty stall in the universal sign that he was not a homosexual.
Unfortunately for Baldman, another man then entered who paid no heed to the universal sign of throat clearing. Instead, he rattled the locked stall door like a serial killer in a horror movie, sure that it must be broken. Baldman was then forced to say "ahem" out loud.
"Oh, sorry," the deranged psychopath said, breaking yet another men's bathroom rule by speaking. "Where I'm from people make a sniffing sound when the stall's occupied."
At publishing time, Devon Baldman is still in the restroom, waiting for the other weirdo to leave first so they don't have to make eye contact with each other.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.