WILMINGTON, DE - As Dr. Jill Biden and her husband went out to eat over the weekend, a man began choking on his Denver omelet. But lucky for him, Dr. Jill Biden was there, and she is a doctor.

"We need a doctor here!" cried a waiter. "Is there a doctor in the house?"

Dr. Jill Biden sprang into action. "I'm a doctor!" she said, rushing over. "I'm going to need a podium and a microphone, stat!" After a busboy hurried over with the life-saving tools she would need, Dr. Jill Biden thanked him and then began delivering a speech on meeting students' needs at the community college level.

"Thank you for having me here today," Dr. Jill Biden said as the bewildered choking man tried to call for a "real doctor," since he was obviously a misogynistic bigot. "Webster's Dictionary defines education as the action or process of educating." As she continued her intro, the man's face started to turn purple.

"There are three reasons community college being accessible for all is a net gain to society," Dr. Jill Biden said as the man started to lose consciousness. "First, good classes are good for people. We must increase positive educational outcomes by offering good classes for low or no cost. Good classes may include everything from tennis courses and physical education to math and even science."

"In conclusion, community college is good," Dr. Jill Biden said fifteen minutes later, after the man had died. "Thank you."

Dr. Ben Carson also happened to be there but was asked not to interfere as the media assured everyone he's not a real doctor.