WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vowing to do everything in his power to execute the ICC arrest warrant for Israeli Prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Mayor Zohran Mamdani set fresh, free bagels outside the Capitol to lure Netanyahu into a clever trap.
Mamdani set up a large cardboard box held up by a stick tied to a string, which Mamdani will yank away the moment Netanyahu touches the bagels, trapping the Prime Minister in the box.
"Heeeere, Bibi. There's a nice, delicious bagel waiting for youuu," called Mamdani from behind a set of bushes. "Mmm, smell that kosher goodness. Come get your morning treeeat, little Bibi. Any moment now."
Witnesses said the mayor had been crouched in the shrubbery for nearly six hours, periodically replacing the bagels with fresher ones after squirrels repeatedly foiled the operation. "As many bagels as it takes," Mamdani whispered confidently while gripping the string. "Once he's under the box, international law will finally prevail."
At publishing time, Mamdani had accidentally caught Representative Hakeem Jeffries, who admitted he had simply been "checking out the bagels."
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