U.S.—In an extensive study, a team of jocks pegged numerous dweebs, nerds, and geeks with dodgeballs and reached a stunning conclusion: People who lose at dodgeball are a bunch of “dorks.”
“They just suck,” observed researcher Steve Majors. “Watch this,” he said before telling a subject to “think fast” and then pegging him so hard with a ball that the subject was knocked to the ground. “See, what a loser!” Majors added, summing up the results of the experiment.
Others on the research team had further findings that backed up the main conclusion, recording such observations as: People who get hit in the face cry too much; you have to not throw like a girl to win; and “NERRRDS!”
The researchers did have some advice, though, for losers who are now realizing they are a bunch of dorks. “Don’t be such a spaz,” Majors advised. “Also, maybe try and catch the ball.”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.