NEW YORK, NY—Exclaiming that he’s “finally had it up to here” and “just can’t take it anymore,” local man Eric Hawkins, 37, quit following politics for the fifth time today, sources at his workplace confirmed.
“I can’t take it anymore—I am done following politics for good,” Hawkins told coworkers seated near him. “So much partisan drama, so much mudslinging. It’s like our country is being run by the cast of Jersey Shore or something!”
“This time I mean it!” said the man who had already made the same steadfast commitment four times in the same day.
Solidifying his new decision, the customer service rep and father of two then publicly posted on Facebook that his friends can expect to “NOT see ANY MORE political opinions or news stories from me, because I am taking a LONG BREAK until our country is less of a MESS,” even going so far as to power down his computer as a show of defiance.
At publishing time, Hawkins had fired his computer back up and opened his web browser to “check Drudge real quick.”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.