LA MESA, CA - After waiting for over three hours for his wife and not seeing even a fleeting glimpse of her, local man Bill Gatling fired off a flare gun inside a local Hobby Lobby store to see if she would respond to his distress call.
Having lost all sense of time, space, and sanity as he slowly milled about the hobby store in a daze, the man finally launched the flare and hollered her name, and at long last, she emerged from a wood decor aisle.
"What's up, honey?" she said innocently. "I've only been here for a few minutes. Let me just grab a couple more things and we'll get out of here." She then disappeared into a picture frame aisle for the rest of the afternoon.
At publishing time, she had made a quick, 14-hour stop at Target.
A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report.
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