BOSTON, MA - A local library has found itself embroiled in controversy after hosting a controversial "Straight Male Story Hour," an event at which a heterosexual, married, white, cisgender male reads a story to children.

The man, Bob Smith, was scheduled to come and read Where the Wild Things Are to the kids, a move that's said to endanger the progressive values this nation holds dear.

Parents protested the library in an attempt to cancel the event.

"We're a town, a nation of values, and for this guy to come in here not dressed up in women's clothes or a demon costume and try to read to our children---well, we won't stand for it, I tell you what," said Zed Manners, a concerned parent. "What has this country become when a white guy can simply come into our library and spread his dangerous ideas about whiteness and heterosexuality to our nation's youth? What do we do when people start thinking it's OK not to grow up to be a drag queen?"

"This isn't the America I grew up in, I'll tell you that much," Zed concluded.

At publishing time, the library had apologized for the event and scheduled an "Occult Transgender Satan Worshiper Story Hour" in order to make up for its indiscretion.