FATE, TX - Local libertarian man Gabriel Parton read yet another headline today about how the 2020 election was illegitimate. While Republicans nodded solemnly at the headline and Democrats screamed in rage, Parton reacted the way he does to everything: he just smiled smugly.

"Actually," he said as a friend told him that the 2020 election was illegitimate, "all elections are illegitimate. Every election is simply the majority imposing their will on the minority through the threat of force, and as such is a violation of the non-aggression principle. I never consented to this election, and I am now being detained under the results of this election against my will." He looked off into the distance, his smug look only intensifying. "I never signed your mythical 'social contract' saying I would abide by the rules of people voting for immoral politicians every four years."

He then looked up to see his friend had walked away some time ago, and he was all alone.