NEW YORK CITY, NY - Compassionate progressives across the country are praising New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio for his "bold, courageous" decision to bring segregation to New York. 

"Studies show that 65% of black New York residents are unvaccinated, so this will affect them disproportionately, and that's actually a good thing," said DeBlasio in a statement. "We just want everyone to be healthy, and anyone who refuses to get the vaccine should be considered less than human and be excluded from participating in society. It's the compassionate - and scientific - thing to do!" 

The new "separate, but equal, for public health" policy will take effect next week.

The Mayor has also said he will be supporting increased police funding and presence in black communities to enforce vaccine segregation, which will definitely not have any side effects like increased deadly police encounters and brutality.

"Just to be clear, this is not Jim Crow. This is more like Jim Crow's nicer, public health-defending cousin, John Crow. This is all about safety and science because we're the government and we care," said DeBlasio.

Experts say the new ordinance will actually have little effect since no one lives in New York anymore except Bill DeBlasio and Brian Stelter. Everyone else has moved to Florida.