WASHINGTON, D.C.—Several organizations have submitted an official request for Justice Sonia Sotomayor to recuse herself from Biden's vaccine mandate case. Among several reasons cited, experts are calling for her recusal mainly due to the fact that she's a very big idiot.
"We can't have such consequential court cases decided by people who are idiots," said legal expert Frtiz Bumbgar. "Only non-idiot people should be qualified for such a momentous decision. In this particular case, Justice Sotomayor's level of idiocy should disqualify her this would ensure the court doesn't make a decision that is incredibly idiotic—like she is."
The request listed several other reasons, like the fact that she's a "nincompoop", an "ignoramus", and a "dimwitted dullard."
Sotomayor dismissed the calls for her recusal by loudly banging her gavel on her kitchen counter and yelling "order in the court!" at her cats. This did little to quell rumors that she is a massive idiot.
Sources say Sotomayor has committed to remain on the bench through the remainder of the case, in order to save the lives of the 12 billion children who are in the hospital with COVID.
In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.