U.S.—In a move sponsored by Tyndale House as well as several prominent dispensationalist scholars, the Left Behind series has been declared the official modern replacement for the book of Revelation, sources confirmed Friday.
All copies of the Bible going forward will replace the complex imagery of John’s apocalyptic vision with the clear, compelling narrative of the Left Behind novels to minimize confusion among readers. Now-obsolete copies of the Bible already in print can be mailed to Tyndale House, where the final book of the New Testament canon will be torn out and tossed in the fire, to be supplanted with freshly pressed pages of the new official description of the eschaton.
“Does the book of Revelation ever leave you stumped? Well, be perplexed by signs and symbols no more, as the masterful writing of Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye transport you to the very near future,” Dr. David Jeremiah of Shadow Mountain Community Church said Friday. “You’ll no longer have to spend hours attempting to line up dragons, blood moons, and harlots with modern-day politicians and countries. The dream team of LaHaye and Jenkins did all the legwork for you already.”
Left Behind: The Kids, the popular adaptation for children, will also be included in the new Bibles in an apocryphal section, according to the publisher.
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that the book of Genesis would slowly be phased out in favor of the entire Answers in Genesis website.