GARDEN OF EDEN - A lackadaisical Adam really phoned it in with his latest animal name, deciding to just call the flying bug he was presented with 'fly'.
"Really? That's the best you got?" boomed the voice of the Lord Almighty. "I gave you one job, Man. I knew I should have named these things myself. Just last week, I spend all this time lovingly designing this amazing creature, and Adam looks up and says 'peacock'. Give me a break."
"I'm running out of ideas, ok?" said Adam as he sprawled out on the grass. "I nailed rhinoceros and hippopotamus. I'm pretty proud of aardvark. But there are so many animals to name, and I just want to actually enjoy literal paradise. Let's get this over with."
Adam then proceeded to dole out the names 'blobfish', 'mountain chicken', and 'crazy ant'. An exasperated God finally put a stop to the naming after Adam declared one of the Lord's creations 'dik-dik'.
"That's it," said God. "This man needs a woman."
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.