WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Friday that, as a lame duck president with nothing left to lose, he had decided to finally start letting loose and speaking his mind.
"I'm not running again, so I can finally stop walking on eggshells and being so polite," Trump told reporters. "The kid gloves are off. From now on, I'm not sugarcoating things for you losers."
The president embraced his newfound freedom to rant and rave without worrying about filtering his speech. "I'm not holding back anymore," Trump continued. I've been so polite and restrained for the last 10 years, but not anymore. Get ready, because I'm not going to be as careful about what I say."
CNN reporter Kaitlin Collins said she did not really notice any difference in the president. "I'm used to him calling me fake, low-IQ, corrupt, and even mistaking me for Dylan Mulvaney," Collins said. "I am a little worried about him implying that he wasn't letting loose before."
White House Aides said they were not concerned. "He's no longer going to keep his thoughts to himself," said Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller. "Things will be totally different moving forward. From now on, he's just going to say whatever comes to his mind."
At publishing time, Trump was rumored to be working on an updated, uncensored list of insulting nicknames for everyone in politics and the media.
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