WESTMINSTER, CO—Audience members at Amped Church reported Friday that the lady who did the church’s announcements partway through the service on Sunday was “way, way too excited” about an upcoming fellowship night that she was asked to inform the congregation about.
“This is, quite literally, going to be the most awesome thing humanity has ever done!” she said as she attempted to work the crowd into a frenzy. “Building the Great Wall, inventing the internet, and landing on the moon will all pale in comparison to the sheer exciting awesomeness that will take place in our fellowship hall from 6 to 8 pm Saturday night. This will be the most amazing thing ever!”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if Jesus Himself showed up and raptured us all to glory, simply because of how wonderful this night of coffee, light refreshments, and mingling will be.”
The announcements lady also reportedly skipped back and forth on the church’s stage and flailed her arms wildly in an attempt to get “the wave” going in the crowd, all while squealing excitedly and out of sheer elation over the planned evening of social interaction.
Sources confirmed that after keeping it up for at least 10 minutes, she broke down in tears and wept over how “absolutely, mind-blowingly amazing” the fellowship night would be, before the ushers came and helped her back to her seat.