Ladies, Here's What's Going Through Your Man's Head Right Now: 17 Things He's Thinking
Family · Feb 6, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

Hey ladies, have you ever just stared at your man and wondered what he was thinking? Relax! Your man isn't thinking about other women. We assembled a panel of man experts (who are men) and they've compiled a definitive list of things your man is currently pondering.

Here are the 17 things your man could be thinking at this exact moment. (Only one at a time)

  1. I bet I could do a pullup on that rafter.
  2. Nachos. I could go for some nachos.
  3. "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."
  4. I wonder if the boys from the old days would come by for some 4-player split-screen Halo. I should set that up some time.
  5. I bet I can jump up and touch that sign. Yep, gonna do it.
  6. I bet I could beat everyone here in a footrace.
  7. Wall. Couch. Door. Hands. [We think he's just looking at things in the room at this point]
  8. Lamp.
  9. How many Highlander movies did they end up making?
  10. Why did Sean Connery help Connor MacLeod if they were destined to destroy each other?
  11. The Roman Empire collapsed in a very similar manner to our own society. Man, I would have been a great legionnaire.
  12. Do I own Highlander? "Alexa, order Highlander on Blu-ray."
  13. Where is the best cover in case I have to draw my weapon against an evil Commie attacker?
  14. Sandwich.
  15. I wish I were a Hobbit. Just tending my garden and smoking pipeweed. Maybe going on a quest if called upon. Man. That'd be great.
  16. Just gonna glance down at my biceps to make sure they still look swole. Yup. Lookin' pretty good down there, guys.
  17. I wonder if the kids are old enough to watch Highlander.

Note: This is an exhaustive list of things men think about. There are no other things.


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