COLORADO CITY, CO — Hasbro's classic naval combat game Battleship has found a new champion in 7-year-old Billy Berkin who has reportedly developed an unstoppable strategy of not putting any ships on the board.
"The only winning move is not to play," the Battleship savant explained as he illustrated his technique for his friends.
"I call it the Berkin maneuver."
Little Billy is reportedly undefeated against his brother Andrew, who sources say is convinced his brother must be cheating.
"I don't get it!" 6-year-old Andrew cried as Billy congratulated himself on another successful offensive.
Andrew pleaded to his father, "Where are his boats, Daddy? WHERE ARE THEY?"
According to sources, the boys' father refused to weigh in on whether or not Billy's strategy constituted cheating. "Ships," he said instead. "They're called ships, Andy."
At publishing time, the Pentagon has reached out to Billy Berkin for help planning an offensive in the Baltic Sea.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
