Politics
Kanye West Drops Out Of Race After Elon Musk Offers Him Position As President Of Mars

LOS ANGELES, CA—Kanye West has dropped out of the presidential race, several sources confirmed today, after Elon Musk offered to instead make him president of Mars.

"America is great and all, but being president of Mars would be the greatest of all time," West said. "Of all time."

Musk said he had a great conversation with West where he convinced him not to aim too low but instead to "shoot for the stars." 

"Kanye has way more potential than just being president of America," Musk said. "Frankly, being president of the U.S. is beneath him. Mars is where it's at. It will be way better than any government on this planet."

West then showed Musk his crude drawings for a rocket ship to Mars he'd designed in his spare time, called the Yeezymobile. The Yeezymobile is made of "space metal" and runs on Chick-fil-A peanut oil: a "100% environmentally friendly" design, according to West.

"And that big fin on the back adds at least 1,000 horsepower," West said.

"I love this guy's enthusiasm," said Musk as he looked over the drawing. "We'll have to make a few changes so the craft will obey the laws of physics, but this is a great start. Hey, who are those two stick figures in the front?"

"That's me and you, Musk. Me and you," West said, looking up at the stars and putting his arm around his entrepreneurial friend. "We are gonna be the kings of the universe, my friend. The kings of the universe."

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