U.S.—Kamala Harris became the first Democratic candidate to make good on her promise to improve America by dropping out of the presidential race. While pundits have criticized Democrats for their "pie-in-the-sky" proposals, Harris proved that Democrats' ideas to make the nation better can actually be put into action, like by dropping out of the race and preventing herself from doing any further harm to the country.
"We gotta hand it to her -- she's definitely done more 'for the people' than anyone else by dropping out," said one political commentator. "Other candidates just have their empty promises of making America into a socialist utopia. But Kamala has actually helped the nation by preventing Kamala Harris from becoming president."
"This selfless public servant stopped the deranged, power-hungry Kamala Harris from ever getting to the White House, and for that, she has our eternal thanks," said one man in Iowa. "Without her destroying her own campaign, who knows what terrors she would have wrought upon the nation from the Oval Office?"
The nation suddenly realized, however, that her dropping out made it that much more certain that another terrible candidate will win the nomination, so it might just be a wash.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.