SIMI VALLEY, CA—Shouting could be heard echoing from a massive mountain range of money sitting on the over 6,000 acres of land bought by celebrity Mark Ruffalo to store his vast accumulation of crisp Benjamins. Witnesses say that Ruffalo was standing at the peak of his Mt. Everest of money shouting about the failures of capitalism.
"We could barely make out what he was saying," one witness said. "He was just shouting really loud, like some kind of wild man. Then he started rolling around in the money and cheering. It was disturbing."
Concerned citizens attempted to enter the massive landfill of skrilla, but tesla coils vaporized anyone who attempted passage. Eventually, the authorities were called and police and coast guard helicopters attempted to locate Ruffalo among the cash piles. "We searched all night long. There's just so much money out there. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack," said one pilot.
Ruffalo was later seen as a convoy of dump trucks stopped by to pour more money onto the amassment of bills. "He always comes out to welcome the fresh money," one of the drivers told reporters. "He nestles his face into it and kisses it. Of course, he usually he starts screaming about capitalism again shortly after he locks the gate."