Politics
Biden Selects Aunt Jemima As Running Mate

WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a press conference today, Joe Biden was proud to announce that he'd selected his running mate for the 2020 election: Aunt Jemima.

"She's a clean, articulate woman of color, she's a self-made businesswoman, and she's a great listener," Biden said as he unveiled his pick for vice president. "We were looking at two criteria for my VP: her race and her gender, and Jemima nailed both qualifications."

"Plus, she smells fantastic. Welcome to Team Joe, toots!" He then put his hands on the neck of the bottle and caressed it, giving the bottle of maple syrup a good sniff.

Horrified aides caught the press conference on TV and rushed to the location, tackling Joe to the ground and putting him back in the basement. "You'll know your VP pick when you need to know, Joe."


A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee

After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.

Get FREE Access

*with premium subscription to The Babylon Bee

There are 108 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.