ISRAEL — In a statement completely unrelated to anything currently in the news, the Jews announced that they have developed a terraforming machine that can, say, quickly build a mountain in front of a flying helicopter.
According to the Jews, the device will be useful for a wide range of applications, including but not limited to building up a huge mountain right in front of helicopters while they're in the air, for a completely random example.
"This is only something I'm thinking of off the top of my head," said Benjamin Netanyahu, who is in charge of the Jews. "We have made this technological breakthrough on behalf of mankind and are already coming up with so many things it can be used for. I'm not sure why anyone would want to raise up an enormous mountain directly in the path of a helicopter in mid-flight, but if anyone ever wished to do something like that, this machine is capable of doing it. Hypothetically speaking."
A spokesman for the Jews said they were already planning to use the terraforming device for different functions, including building up artificial beaches, modifying the landscape of previously unused regions of the country, and, potentially, maybe using it to create a mountain to wreck a helicopter, maybe, if necessary.
At publishing time, the Jews were rumored to be preparing to issue a statement about how their new space laser would be useful for many things, such as incinerating potential threats instantly in a lightning-fast flash of light.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
